With the death of Terri Schiavo and the Pope, I have been wondering when we will get back to the real work that needs to go on in America - making up fake people to bash conservatives and Bush's judicial nominees. Now that is getting back to work for the American people.
Washington Post columnist Art Buchwald, who apparently has turned a schtick of talking to imaginary people into a very lucrative profession, writes of a conversation he has with his conservative friend Sam Sampson (definitely not this Sam).
Sam it seems is just your average conservative guy. He is mad that the liberals in the Senate are holding up the President's judicial nominations, so mad that in fact he expreses a desire to kill all the liberal judges. You know, just like every good conservative. Sam is afterall the conservative everyman.
Not only does he want to kill them, Sam argues that some judges are "nonhuman" and only "our people" can tell the difference between human judges and nonhuman judges by "read[ing] their decisions and watch[ing] their body language."
Not only does Sam have violent tendencies and the strange ability to tell a nonhuman from a human, he is also an idiot that cannot construct an argument for the defense of the death penalty, while maintaining a pro-life (on abortion) stance and whose idea to fix the judicial system is to "file a friend-of-the-court brief on cases we like, and an enemy-of-the-court on cases we don't."
Of course Sam goes on to describe why he doesn't like the ACLU (because "they're always taking flag-burning cases") and why having the Ten Commandments "on court property so everyone can read them" was exactly what "our founding fathes had in mind." Because doesn't every conservative argue that an essential part of our nation should be the requirment that every courthouse has the Ten Commandments, not just that this issue should be decided upon by the people (specifically the people of the area), but that everyone courthouse should be ordered to have a monument to the commandments?
Why am I suddenly hit with the thought that Sam is not, in fact, a real person? Why does this remind me of film critic Pauline Kael of the New Yorker and her infamous quote after the 1972 Presidential election? Maybe becauase I think Art might as well be saying "How can that be? No one I know wants conservative judges."
Hat Tip: Chris at Patterico's
Update: Thanks to Ace for the link, even though he bashes the blog name for lacking sizzle. So maybe we could be Two or Three of Spades HQ, would that add enough sizzle? We go for substance over, style (which apparently includes fake retirements and numerous fake guest bloggers including a time traveling sandwich). It's all about the substance, the sometimes sporadic, contradictory substance.